January 19, 2013

Study Sessions: Kitten's Best Friend

Good Afternoon Everyone! 

Last week I wrote about one of my friends who came over to study with me during exams and ended up tormenting Kitten (he liked it).  As promised, this week's post is about my study sessions with Kitten's best friend, Elena.

Kitten and Elena go wayyyyy back. All the way back to this past June (and for a cat, that's like, pretty far back). Elena came to cat-sit Kitten while   I was away over the summer (not to be confused with my other cat-sitter, Lindsey, who blogged about her Kitten-sitting experiences on her own blog: Happy or Hungry), and the two of them had a totally fab time and Kitten totally did not try to molest Elena or anything.

Suffice it to say, Kitten is very close with Elena.

Maybe too close.

Yes, it is true that Kitten makes it a personal goal to hump every visitor I have.  
But he always make an extra special effort with Elena.  

It's okay, Elena likes it.

In addition to being a phenomenal study-buddy for me and sexual outlet for Kitten, Elena also took it upon herself to get some Kitten grooming in during one of our study sessions. I believe she said, and I quote, "Oh my god! Look at his eyes! They are disgusting!!! That is so gross! Why don't you wipe his eyes!?!?! There is crust EVERYWHERE!!! OH GOD!!!" To which I replied, "Here's a tissue, knock yourself out."

Yes, Kitten's eyes get really goopey. Cat eye crust is just one of the many joys that come hand in hand with owning a designer pet. It's not that I don't ever wipe Kitten's eyes, it's just that they need to be wiped ALL THE TIME. It's ridiculous, like use your paws or something to do it yourself. Admittedly, sometimes the eye goop does get pretty bad.  But I always notice when it gets bad, because Kitten starts to wink at me. 

Despite Elena's kindness, Kitten was still a pretty big jerk, eating our food and lying right in the way of things.

What came next, I have a hard time defining. Elena called it "play", whereas I would classify it as "intent to harm". Elena started to "play" with Kitten and seemed to be under the impression that he was "having fun".  I'm pretty sure he just wanted her to stop and would have chewed her hand off to make that happen. But you can take a look at decide for yourself.

It started like this:
And progressed to this:

Here are the videos.  I think Kitten's eyes say it all.

I should say, Elena wasn't my only friend to visit during exams. The lovely Kasia also joined us.  This was Kasia's first time meeting Kitten. She warned me before hand that she was NOT a fan a cats.

When she first got to my apartment, she stopped at the door to take her boots off. Unbeknownst to her, Kitten was coyly watching her from around the corner.  She was none too impressed to look up to see some pervy cat watching her.

The first day she spent at my place, she did not warm up to Kitten. He was creepy, she wasn't into it. It probably didn't help his cause that he would spend long periods of time by her feet just staring at her, probably thinking, "Can you please move into a better position so that I can hump you?"  

However, the second day she came, Kitten somehow turned Kasia into, maybe not a Kitten-lover, but at least a Kitten-tolerator. Ultimately, a victory. 

In retrospect, I probably could have summed up this entire post in a few words:

Kitten still pervy.

Elena really, really loves him (and no one knows why).

Kasia doesn't, like, totally hate him anymore.

Then Kitten turned into an owl:

The End.

January 11, 2013

Study Sessions: Kitten and The Blonde One

Welcome to a very special edition of the Kitten Blog.  

Today's post is a recap of my exam study sessions!  

Now, hear me out.  I know that might sound even more boring than watching paint dry, grass grow,  any baseball game, etc., but you would be wrong.  To help me make it through exam time without losing all sanity, I frequently invited friends over to study with me.  This led to many ridiculous Kitten/friend interactions, which I thoroughly documented.

A lot went down during exams, so I'm going to share my stories in two posts.  Here's the first:

Kitten and The Blonde One

Let me give you some history about The Blonde One.  One time, I took Kitten to the Blonde One's house when my apartment was under some repairs and I couldn't have a cat hanging around.  Kitten did not have a good time. 

At The Blonde One's house, Kitten hid behind the couch or under the bed the entire time.  When I went to retrieve him, he had to be lured out from under the bed.  Apparently, he had not used the litter box once... in three days.  I don't even know how this is possible, but she never did find any accidents, so I can only assume Kitten absorbed everything during that time.  

Now, you would think this incident would traumatize Kitten and instil a fear of The Blonde One in him.  It did not.

Kitten immediately took to his weird humping routine with her.  

Pictures aren't good enough? Here is a video of the deed going down.

This isn't the first time that Kitten has been weird with my friends, and it sure wasn't the last time this happened during exams (but I'll tell you more about that in my next post).  Below you can see that once he is done using my friend, he has a tendency to go and expose himself somewhere nearby.  Like, close enough they can see, but not so close that it is 100% obvious that he is doing it for their benefit.

If you are super interested in the whole weird process, here is a video of what happens after the humping.  And it literally happens every time. No jokes.

After Kitten's seduction attempt failed, he decided to check out some shit outside.  

This was all fine and dandy until The Blonde One thought it would be funny to get back at Kitten for violating her.

As if that wasn't enough, The Blonde One then decided that Kitten was the perfect tool to clean my windows with.  Though, I can't really argue with her.  He did a pretty damn good job.

To be fair, Kitten deserved this.  

Like I've said before, he can be quite the jerk (I'm going to give some more detail about this in a future post), and it's really only karma coming for him.  

He also needs to learn that his behaviour around my friends is wholly inappropriate.  I mean, if Kitten were a person, he would be charged with a criminal offence for his actions. Unfortunately, Kitten is dumb and cannot grasp the concept of social norms, let along object permanence. 

After The Blonde One used Kitten as a window cleaner, she decided to try to play with him.  However, her concept of "play" seemed to be chasing Kitten around in a frenzied way, causing him to become quite agitated and panicked.  

Here is the video I took before I started yelling at her to stop:

Well, that was the post about The Blonde One.  

Next post I'll tell you all about Kitten's study adventures with Elena.  Elena is much kinder than The Blonde One. Instead of tormenting Kitten she helped him with some personal higiene issues and actually played with him.

Sadly, kindness tends to go unnoticed by Kitten, who humped her as well. 

December 2, 2012

Clementines and Pigeons

Happy December 2nd my friends!

Despite that it is home to both Christmas and my birthday, December is by far one of the most depressing months of the year for me.  Anyone who is still finishing some form of postsecondary education knows why December is a depressing month.  And for those of you who are unfortunate enough to have your birthday falling anywhere from... I would say today until the 21, are very aware of my pain. 

Even if you personally don't have any exams on or right after your birthday, and are free to go out and have some fun, you are pretty much guaranteed to be having a party of one.

Anyway, today I am not going to tell you anything new about Kitten.  I noticed that there are a couple of post that I wrote a while back that didn't get a lot of attention that I think are quite funny.  

If you missed them, take a look!

This is the story about how a loaf of bread from a failed attempt to make a sandwich out of Kitten turned my balcony into a mecca for pigeons.

This is a video of Kitten eating a clementine.  He manages to pick it up with his paw to lick it.  It is weird.

[Fun Fact: On this day in 1969, the Boeing 747 made it's debute -- In case you cared]