The Emperor's New Clothes

My blog is not the only thing I have been neglecting. 

My exams ended a month ago. I spent the month prior to exams locked in my apartment living off of non-perishables and perfecting my mild scoliosis. I spent the month following exams catching up on the Internet and television (in their entirety), venturing outside only to indulge in nightly post-exam celebrations.  

Both pre and post-exam lifestyles meant no trips to the gym, an exclusive carb diet, and no time/energy to brush the satanic beast that has become my cat. Have you ever tried to simultaneously subdue and brush an enraged and blood thirsty mammal while feeling bloated and lethargic? It is no walk in the park.

However, last week I started work and was forced to emerged from my hedonism-coma. I was shocked to discover that Kitten had become very hungry (joking) and very matted (not joking). 

There really was no possible way for me to deal with it myself. I needed professional help. Kitten has been to the groomers once before. He got his nails cut, his ears cleaned, his teeth brushed and he got a bath and a brushing.

This time, I went a different route.

This, my friends, is the famed Lion Cut. It is not some cruel invention of mine; it is a tried and true haircut for longhair fancy cats, and if Kitten is one thing, it is a longhaired fancy cat.

I opted for the Lion Cut for three reasons:

1) Kitten was covered in mats and they would all need to be cut out anyway.

2) Warm weather is upon us. I don't have air conditioning, so when the temperature rises, Kitten gets very hot and there is nothing I can do to help him.

3) It looks hilarious.

He had it done on Wednesday and I am not sure how long it will last, but I am hoping it takes a while to grow back. I can now hold Kitten without accidentally inhaling stray hairs and I am guessing I won't need to sweep for loose balls of cat hair on a daily basis anymore.


It also turns out that underneath all of that fabulous fluff is a disgustingly wrinkled and flabby creature wearing boots.

I was surprised to find that, despite his ridiculous appearance, Kitten still goes about his day like normal.

Here, Kitten is cleaning the only fur he has left.

"What of it?" Kitten asks.

  Personally, I have been finding it quite difficult not to constantly chase after Kitten just to play with his recently unhidden flab and loose skin. It looks disgusting and feels velvety soft.

I hope you have enjoyed Kitten's haircut as much as I have.

The Awkward Stage of Kittenhood

You know that awkward stage of childhood where even the cutest kids get really ugly for a year or two? (No? Maybe that was just me.) Kitten however, definitely went through that same stage.

 I know, I know, you probably don't believe me since Kitten is just so darn handsome at his ripe age of two, but I have evidence.

I hope you enjoy this look back at Kitten's uncomfortable stage.

I know people always think that kittens are just the cutest, but now you have empirical to prove them wrong. 

I think Kitten's ugliness as a kitten made us love him even more. He was such a little ragamuffin that it was impossible not to love him. He may have been an ugly duckling, but he has since grown into a slightly less ugly, straggly, angry swan.

 And once again, my favourite last.

Kitten and Personal Hygiene

It's the night before the big contracts exam, so what am I doing? Posting a Kitten blog of course!

As I have mentioned before, Kitten has a personal hygiene problem. He doesn't quite know how to bathe himself properly (I think he gets this from Boyfriend), so from time to time, he needs a bath. The one thing Kitten does have in common with other cats is his intense hatred of being wet. Unfortunately for Kitten, being wet isn't the only horror he sufferers when getting a bath. Kitten also needs to be blow-dried afterwards. If he isn't, he gets mouldy and matty, and we try to avoid letting mouldy matty things live in out apartment with us. If there is one thing Kitten hates more than being wet, it's the hair-dryer.

For all of my fellow studiers I hope you get a moment of joy out of this. 

I think he might want out.

This is what needs to be done to dry Kitten. We have to wrap him up and dry him bit by bit so he can't escape. Sometimes he does, and then he retaliates. It's best just to make sure he doesn't escape until it's over.

 I saved my favourites for last!

In The Beginning...

Welcome to the very first Kitten post!

Instead of studying for Contract Law this morning, I thought I would start a little blog for Kitten. I am sure most people reading this will be well acquainted with Kitten already, but for those who aren't, here is a bit of Kitten's background:

Kitten was my Christmas present from Boyfriend two years ago, though we actually picked him up from the breeder on my birthday On the way over I had visions of returning home with one of those kittens in the toilet paper commercials. It was pretty tough choosing anyone of the kittens out of a Himalayan-Persian litter. They were all so adorable and cuddly and fluffy. And then, there was Kitten. He was alone and straggly and greasy, by far the ugliest of the bunch. We knew instantly that he was the one for us.

We got Kitten home and he immediately fell asleep trying to climb out of his litter box.

As my future posts will make clear, Kitten isn't exactly normal. But looking back on his kittenhood, I think Boyfriend and I might have had something to do with that. 

Our first idea as the proud new care-givers of a little living creature was to put it between two slices of bread and pretend it was a sandwich.

(This is also why we should never have children. We would probably do the exact same thing with a newborn child. Our view is that pretty much any small and adorable living thing needs to be put between bread slices at least once.)

I do promise you though that kitten was not harmed in anyway. He actually really enjoys bread... and cheese... and Nibs.

Kitten also had quite the walleyes as a kitten. He was our little Marilyn Monroe if you will.  

Kitten was in fact a very well tempered kitten. He never caused troubles, never whined and loved to sleep on the end of our bed.  The real trouble began when Boyfriend started play fight with him. I tried to explain that it was cute now, but when he grew up and developed real teeth and claws, it wouldn't be so fun. Of course Boyfriend did not listen and now we have a large and very agressive Kitten on our hands.

This is of course only a very brief introduction to Kitten. You'll get to hear all about adult Kitten in a bit, but for now I will leave you with a picture of Kitten's first bath. He didn't enjoy it.