While I'm Writing My Exam...

Okay, so something went wrong and I am having to post this now. But this is what I intended...

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Guess what?

I am writing my exam RIGHT NOW.

That's right; I am in a classroom, writing my first exam of the term.

Now before you jump to the conclusion that I am the worst student ever to live, let me explain: This is a scheduled Kitten Blog, meaning that I wrote this on Sunday night, but had it scheduled to be published smack dab in the middle of my exam.

I thought I should use such a post to ponder how Kitten might spend his time while I am off spewing out more facts about corporations than anyone should ever really even know.

This is how I imagine his day is going:

Kitten will probably start off his day by lying on my bed, and rolling around a bit to make sure he gets his fur everywhere.

Afterwards, he'll probably go use the litter...

...and then have a drink from his Kitten Fountain.

Next, I imagine he will lie on the back of the couch, and distribute fur all over it too.

He will probably get bored of soft surfaces, like the bed and the couch, and move to harder ones, like the filing cabinet.

By now, he will want to go lie in...

... a couple of awkward positions.

And one more for good measure.

Kitten will then realize that he hasn't eaten in a while, and will go lie by his food bowls in hopes that his mere proximity to them will conjure the glory that is canned food. It won't. It never does.

After realizing that he can only eat dry food until my return, he will go and investigate the pigeons.

And then go back to the bed to get a bit more fur on it before I get home.

A Fur Coat in the Summer

It is HOT in here!

If you live in Ontario, I think you might have noticed that we are having a bit of a warm streek. Today, with the humidex (apparently this is a Canadian term -- it's an index used to calculate what the temperature feels like), it was 41 degrees (105.8 F). And tomorrow, well tomorrow is going to be 48 degrees (118.4 F). 

I am poor and I am lazy, so I do not have an air conditioner. I have a fan that I found in our apartment's garbage closet last year.  This is all fine and dandy for me since I love the heat. Or maybe I just really hate the cold. Either way, I could live like this everyday if it meant never being cold. 

Unfortunately, Kitten does not feel the same way. He is trapped in a fur coat, against his will, all summer long. He has spent the last few days spread out on the floor looking very hot and moving very little. 

What provides Kitten some relief from all of this heat, is the fancy new water fountain that Boyfriend and I bought for Kitten recently. 

We wanted to go to our friends cottage for four days and didn't think Kitten needed anyone to check up on him. Fill up his litter and give him several bowls of food and he is good for three or four days. He may be all matted and attention-seeking once we get back, but he is very much healthy and alive. The only trouble is that he gets his water all dirty. No matter how many bowls you put out, he gets them dirty. I am pretty sure this is because food gets stuck in his face-fur and gets transferred to the water bowls as he jams his flat face in to get water. We used to leave the toilet lid up because he would just drink out of there, but now that we are potty training him again (which I will tell you all about later), we can't do this. 

So, what did Boyfriend and I do? We went to our wonderful neighbourhood pet shop and bought a cat fountain. And let me tell you, Kitten LOVED it.  As soon as we started it up, he drank for seriously, half an hour. It was crazy. 

We are thinking that maybe Kitten was just super dehydrated because he hated drinking from his little water bowl. This might explain the problems he was having earlier... 

Once he was done he just watched the fountain -- for hours. 

The water fountain has become Kitten's new best friend and may possibly be saving his life during this heat wave. Sometimes, when he is just lying there looking hot and depressed, Boyfriend will pick him up and place him in from of the fountain. It's like he has forgotten about this existence of water, because as soon as he is in front of it, he will drink like hydration is the best gift he was ever given.

This is how he lies when he is hot and depressed.

We do feel pretty bad about how hot Kitten must feel. Boyfriend and I even considered giving Kitten a "Lion Cut." It is pretty self-explanatory, but incase you don't know what a lion cut is, see the picture below.

(Source)

We decide against it.

Return of the Kitten Blog

Hello Kitten-Lovers and everyone else who happens upon this blog after Googling: “kitten sandwich,” “how to tell a kittens gender” or “enema training.” 

Before I begin: to those of you reaching this site after typing in the above queries, I will let you know right now if you have reached this site in vain and need to return to Google or if you might want to consider poking around my site a bit. 

Kitten Sandwich:

While I don’t offer any advice on the art of making a Kitten Sandwich* (and in fact might need some advice myself), you will find a few pictures that might be of assistance. I myself have found that kittens tend to make the best sandwiches; cats are a little less cooperative.

* Please, don’t actually eat cats, just take a picture and let the poor thing go.

How to Tell a Kittens Gender:

While I haven’t written a blog on this, I think I can help* you: 


(1) Take your kitten in your lap and turn it so that its belly is facing you
(2) Now, pull the kitten’s back legs in opposite directions
(3) Do you see anything other than fur and the kitten’s bum?
(a) Yes – your kitten is a boy
(b) No – your kitten is not a boy

* I assume no responsibility for misdiagnosed genders.

Enema Training:

Sorry, I can’t help* you. Maybe talk to your family physician or nurse practitioner. Training yourself on Google might not be the best idea.

* I assume no responsibility for botched enemas.


Back to today’s blog…

Good news! I have emerged from my two month long Kitten blog hibernation. Unlike many of my globetrotter, adventure-seeking classmates (whom I am massively jealous of), I have not been travelling or doing anything remotely interesting enough to warrant such a hiatus. Instead, I have been hanging out at home, catching-up on some chick flicks and planning adventures with boyfriend that never make it past: “We should really go camping/learn to kayak/visit your family/go rock climbing/etc…” 

I suppose I am not being entirely truthful. Boyfriend and I did go to Bonnaroo in June (a kitten sitter was needed - thank you Andrea!), I joined an Ultimate Frisbee team and Boyfriend and I went to an absolutely fabulous four-day-long cottage party with friends we never get to see. )

But, I know no one comes to this blog to hear about my life, so on to the Kitten stories…

Since I have not written in quite a while, I have amassed a not insubstantial amount of stories about Kitten. Today I am going to do a brief re-cap of Kitten’s summer and will go into details about each story in the upcoming weeks. 

Here is what’s been going on...

Kitten loved his cat grass… for a while:

The pigeon returned, and he brought friends:

Kitten got a fountain. Turns out he may have been dehydrated:

We are taking another shot at potty training, but this time, we got help:

Keep checking back - I promise not to be such a laze-oid about Kitten blogging!