May 18, 2012

The Emperor's New Clothes

My blog is not the only thing I have been neglecting. 

My exams ended a month ago. I spent the month prior to exams locked in my apartment living off of non-perishables and perfecting my mild scoliosis. I spent the month following exams catching up on the Internet and television (in their entirety), venturing outside only to indulge in nightly post-exam celebrations.  

Both pre and post-exam lifestyles meant no trips to the gym, an exclusive carb diet, and no time/energy to brush the satanic beast that has become my cat. Have you ever tried to simultaneously subdue and brush an enraged and blood thirsty mammal while feeling bloated and lethargic? It is no walk in the park.

However, last week I started work and was forced to emerged from my hedonism-coma. I was shocked to discover that Kitten had become very hungry (joking) and very matted (not joking). 

There really was no possible way for me to deal with it myself. I needed professional help. Kitten has been to the groomers once before. He got his nails cut, his ears cleaned, his teeth brushed and he got a bath and a brushing.

This time, I went a different route.

This, my friends, is the famed Lion Cut. It is not some cruel invention of mine; it is a tried and true haircut for longhair fancy cats, and if Kitten is one thing, it is a longhaired fancy cat.

I opted for the Lion Cut for three reasons:

1) Kitten was covered in mats and they would all need to be cut out anyway.

2) Warm weather is upon us. I don't have air conditioning, so when the temperature rises, Kitten gets very hot and there is nothing I can do to help him.

3) It looks hilarious.

He had it done on Wednesday and I am not sure how long it will last, but I am hoping it takes a while to grow back. I can now hold Kitten without accidentally inhaling stray hairs and I am guessing I won't need to sweep for loose balls of cat hair on a daily basis anymore.

It also turns out that underneath all of that fabulous fluff is a disgustingly wrinkled and flabby creature wearing boots.

I was surprised to find that, despite his ridiculous appearance, Kitten still goes about his day like normal.

Here, Kitten is cleaning the only fur he has left.

"What of it?" Kitten asks.

  Personally, I have been finding it quite difficult not to constantly chase after Kitten just to play with his recently unhidden flab and loose skin. It looks disgusting and feels velvety soft.

I hope you have enjoyed Kitten's haircut as much as I have.


  1. This is the greatest thing I've ever seen. Kitten has cleavage!

  2. O wao! You changed you kitten a lot. Your kitten appearance is much similar with a lion you should name this kitten lion. I am loving the way you have described all of you blog about your kitten. Good work, keep it up.

  3. You will need at least one good cat brush, owning two is advisable. Which type of brush you need will depend on the type of cat you share your home with. Usually, a shorthaired cat will require a soft-bristled brush. go now