December 23, 2010

5 Reasons Kitten would not Survive the First Week of a Zombie Apocalypse

Should a zombie apocalypse strike, I assume Boyfriend and I would flee the city to campout in some forest or rural village. While I would like to think that we would take Kitten with us, the truth is, he would probably slow us down.

1. He has ZERO Hunting Skills

Being alone, Kitten would need to find his own food. While this might not be a problem for most cats, I guarantee it would be for Kitten. First of all, Kitten has trouble eating from his food dish on a normal day. His face is just the wrong shape. It is very difficult for him to get his flat face into a dish that is not flat. You think Boyfriend and I would get him a dish more conducive to his face shape, but we find we are better able to maintain his weight this way (that was a joke, we are actually just too lazy). 

Secondly, Kitten is very picky about what he eats. He likes cheese, pizza, soup, and Nibs. These things are not readily available to cats without the assistance of a loving owner. Basically Kitten would starve.

2. Kitten has Horrible Personal Hygiene

For the longest time I wondered why Kitten never got hairballs like other cats, especially considering the amount of fur he has. Eventually, I realized it was because he never actually cleans himself. Anytime Boyfriend and I go away for a long-weekend, we always return home to a matted, greasy disaster. Kitten needs to be brushed constantly and also needs to be bathed to compensate for his own self-neglect. I honestly believe that Kitten would develop some fungal infection, or something along that line, within a week of being left alone. 

Kitten also has this thing where he gets very goopy eyes. He needs to have his eyes wipe by me or Boyfriend a minimum of once a day. I think before the fungal infection ever even got to him, his eyes would goop over completely and blind him.

3. Kitten is Incredibly Lethargic
I understand that most cats like to nap; I mean they do have their own saying about it. But Kitten, he doesn’t even nap. He just lies in various places around the apartment in whatever position he happened to fall in. You can nudge him, and push him, and “gently” kick him all you like, but he won’t budge. 

I am pretty certain that Kitten would prefer to let Zombies trip over him instead of actually moving. He would be dirty and hungry, but he would just lie there waiting for food to come to him. It wouldn’t.

4. Kitten is Terrible at Hiding

You know how when you play hide-and-seek with really small children they can’t grasp the concept that even though they can’t see you, you can still see them? Let’s just say that Kitten and two year olds have more than just bad hygiene in common.

There is no possible way that Kitten would be able to successfully hide himself from predators, and by predators I mean the billion dogs that live in my apartment and will have formed a hunting pack within the first week of the apocalypse, undoubtedly led by the small wiener dog on the first floor.

5. Kitten is not Afraid of Things that Try to Eat Him

Okay, Boyfriend and I are the only things that have tried to eat Kitten. I mean I can’t vouch for the vet, but I am pretty sure the vet has not tried to eat Kitten. However, I still feel that this is a major evolutionary flaw that could be the ultimate downfall of Kitten.  

(Please see my first post for a picture of Boyfriend trying to eat Kitten -In the Beginning...)

December 21, 2010

His Heart Grew Three Sizes That Day

I would like to start this post off by apologizing for my absence. Right when I get you hooked on Kitten, I disappear! I know there is no excuse, but basically exams made me become a sad mole-creature that only sat in her apartment and ate dry things out of the cupboard. The good news is that I have recovered. As many of you know, yesterday was the LAST exam, so I can now move on with my life, and my Kitten blog.

Considering the season, I thought I would post a Christmas themed blog (though I am sure even if you do not celebrate Christmas you will still enjoy this post). 

Last year, Boyfriend and I decided that we should take a “family” photo and put it in the Christmas cards we sent to our friends and relatives. What follows is the best of the Kitten Christmas photo-shoot. Also, it is a bit difficult to see from the pictures, but Kitten is wearing a baby’s jumper that says “Santa’s Little Helper.”

Boyfriend is trying to get Kitten in position for the photo-shoot. Kitten is resisting the Christmas Spirit. 

We tried to take a nice picture... Boyfriend looks a bit creepy though.

Kitten, who was very unimpressed with the whole process, found a way to get his hat off. 

We soon gave up on trying to look nice. On a side note, this is the one we used in our Christmas cards.

Actually, we might have used this one. I feel like both are equally special.

We finally got a good one, but Kitten went and ruined it.

Over all the photo-shoot was a success.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful Holiday and for those of you travelling home, I hope you have/had a safe and hassle free trip. I promise I will post again before Christmas, so please check back soon! 

December 8, 2010

The Awkward Stage of Kittenhood

You know that awkward stage of childhood where even the cutest kids get really ugly for a year or two? (No? Maybe that was just me.) Kitten however, definitely went through that same stage.

 I know, I know, you probably don't believe me since Kitten is just so darn handsome at his ripe age of two, but I have evidence.

I hope you enjoy this look back at Kitten's uncomfortable stage.

I know people always think that kittens are just the cutest, but now you have empirical to prove them wrong. 

I think Kitten's ugliness as a kitten made us love him even more. He was such a little ragamuffin that it was impossible not to love him. He may have been an ugly duckling, but he has since grown into a slightly less ugly, straggly, angry swan.

 And once again, my favourite last.

December 7, 2010

Re: Kitten LOVES Pizza

I really should get to studying Crim, but I also feel like after that Contracts exam my fellow studiers might need some Kitten love. 

It isn't much tonight, but I hope you enjoy it. 

Here are some photos taken on Kitten's pizza night...

December 6, 2010

Kitten and Personal Hygiene

It's the night before the big contracts exam, so what am I doing? Posting a Kitten blog of course!

As I have mentioned before, Kitten has a personal hygiene problem. He doesn't quite know how to bathe himself properly (I think he gets this from Boyfriend), so from time to time, he needs a bath. The one thing Kitten does have in common with other cats is his intense hatred of being wet. Unfortunately for Kitten, being wet isn't the only horror he sufferers when getting a bath. Kitten also needs to be blow-dried afterwards. If he isn't, he gets mouldy and matty, and we try to avoid letting mouldy matty things live in out apartment with us. If there is one thing Kitten hates more than being wet, it's the hair-dryer.

For all of my fellow studiers I hope you get a moment of joy out of this. 

I think he might want out.

This is what needs to be done to dry Kitten. We have to wrap him up and dry him bit by bit so he can't escape. Sometimes he does, and then he retaliates. It's best just to make sure he doesn't escape until it's over.

 I saved my favourites for last!

December 5, 2010

Kitten LOVES Pizza!

Like I've mentioned previously, Kitten loooooves food. Last night Boyfriend and I had some late night pizza and Dragon's Den. Like usual Kitten seemed very excited about our choice of cuisine and entertainment. Boyfriend was in an extra-sharey mood and decided to split his crusts with Kitten. 



December 4, 2010

Undue Influence OR...

You know what is more enjoyable than learning about Undue Influence?

About a minute of this:

In The Beginning...

Welcome to the very first Kitten post!

Instead of studying for Contract Law this morning, I thought I would start a little blog for Kitten. I am sure most people reading this will be well acquainted with Kitten already, but for those who aren't, here is a bit of Kitten's background:

Kitten was my Christmas present from Boyfriend two years ago, though we actually picked him up from the breeder on my birthday On the way over I had visions of returning home with one of those kittens in the toilet paper commercials. It was pretty tough choosing anyone of the kittens out of a Himalayan-Persian litter. They were all so adorable and cuddly and fluffy. And then, there was Kitten. He was alone and straggly and greasy, by far the ugliest of the bunch. We knew instantly that he was the one for us.

We got Kitten home and he immediately fell asleep trying to climb out of his litter box.

As my future posts will make clear, Kitten isn't exactly normal. But looking back on his kittenhood, I think Boyfriend and I might have had something to do with that. 

Our first idea as the proud new care-givers of a little living creature was to put it between two slices of bread and pretend it was a sandwich.

(This is also why we should never have children. We would probably do the exact same thing with a newborn child. Our view is that pretty much any small and adorable living thing needs to be put between bread slices at least once.)

I do promise you though that kitten was not harmed in anyway. He actually really enjoys bread... and cheese... and Nibs.

Kitten also had quite the walleyes as a kitten. He was our little Marilyn Monroe if you will.  

Kitten was in fact a very well tempered kitten. He never caused troubles, never whined and loved to sleep on the end of our bed.  The real trouble began when Boyfriend started play fight with him. I tried to explain that it was cute now, but when he grew up and developed real teeth and claws, it wouldn't be so fun. Of course Boyfriend did not listen and now we have a large and very agressive Kitten on our hands.

This is of course only a very brief introduction to Kitten. You'll get to hear all about adult Kitten in a bit, but for now I will leave you with a picture of Kitten's first bath. He didn't enjoy it.